The Very Secret Diaries of Gundam Wing
by Bishonen Chaser
Summary: *Chapter 3 uploaded* What if each of the characters had a *very secret* diary in which they recorded their thoughts on their mission? First days of Heero, Duo, Trowa, and Quatre in this chapter. VERY FUNNY!! R
1. Default Chapter

The Very Secret Diaries of Gundam Wing

Authors note: I'm following the manga because that was readily available to me at the time. There will be some reference to the anime though…

The Very Secret diary of Heero Yuy 

**Day one: **I am embarking on the journey of a lifetime and I am told that it will take my lifetime to complete it. Stupid doctor J, he never thinks I can do anything right! Well I'll show him…if I can ever get out of this stupid outfit! I can't move as it is! Doctor J said he likes to see me in black spandex…I'm beginning to wonder if he's not gay…will think more on that later because right now this stupid robot is telling me that I have to fight this other stupid robot and it's 2 friends…A.K.A. 2 other equally stupid robots! And I thought I only joined for the dental perks! It was a trap I tell you!

I fought the other robot and it turns out that the pilot was this really hot girl but I think she's self-conscious because she wears this large mask…but it is quite a turn on! She had a really nice as- what's this stupid beeping sound? Darn crapit, it seems that I'm going to fall into the ocean. Don't worry, I'll keep you dry but I'll have to write more later because I have the strong feeling that I'm going to pass out and be washed up on shore!

Yep, I was right, I was washed up on shore and I was found by this really ugly boy…or was it a girl? I couldn't tell. So anyway, just as I'm about to kill her (I really like my shiny gun and couldn't wait for a chance to use it, besides, if anyone asked any questions I could just claim that she was trying to cash in on my dental!) anyways, this guy shows up and shoots me! Right in the arm too! Then he brings up two mobile suits and one is mine! He stole it! I was P.O.!! So I took it back and we fought right there on the shore. He knew I was beating him so he said we could finish the battle later. I had to get to school so I agreed.

At school that girl (yeah I found out that she's a girl) tried to invite me to her birthday party and I was so disgusted!  I mean we didn't even know each other! I tend to look for more than that in a relationship! I need to eat something…and maybe get my teeth cleaned with my new dental plan…yeah

The Very Secret Diary of Duo Maxwell 

**Day one: **Yo! Sup? I just stole the coolest thing! My very own mobile suit!! I'm so excited! I just have to figure out how it works now. I wanted to name it something that had to do with flames or something but Dr. Mushroom head (I can never remember his name and besides, he gets so mad when I call him mushroom head! he's such a dork!) said I can't! He said that I had to name it Deathsythe. What a boring name! 

You'll never believe what happened, I was swimming in the ocean (okay so what really happened was that I had a bad landing) anyway, as I was saying, I was swimming all nice and peaceful like when all of a sudden these mobile suits start attacking me out of no where for no reason! Actually I think they were looking for the suit that I found at the bottom of the ocean but I found it first and as the saying goes, finders: keepers, losers: weepers!! Nyah nyah nyah boo boo! So anyway, I killed all the other suits (Go me!!) and then I attached these really nifty inflators to the other Gundam and mine so that I could get them out and then I floated up to the top and down the shore a little bit I saw this guy and he was so totally hitting on this really hot babe and I wanted her to like me so I shot him! But then she got mad at me but I could tell that she really liked me so I brought up my 2 mobile suits to show her and she looked really surprised! But then the other dude said that the other Gundam was his and I shot him like 3 times but he didn't die and then he climbed in the other Gundam and we fought! It was a lot of fun but I really had to go to the bathroom so I told him that we could finish the battle later and he said sure! I sure hope that girl liked my superior fighting skills!

The Very Secret Diary of Trowa Barton 

**Day one: **This is Silent Clown reporting in. I have begun my mission and have passed the point of no return. Oooooo, look, a rainbow! Ahem, sorry about that. Now where was I? Oh yes, after defeating the enemies at the base in Northern Europe I will now continue with my mission. This is Silent Clown signing out.

Lol! Haha, I had to do that! I've always wanted to be a secret agent or something equally…uh…secretive! But no really, after watching that guy be killed and answering the questions of these two guys that I don't even know I ended up with this really cool Gundam! I couldn't really hear anything because I had my headphones in my ears (I always have them in) but apparently a few nods can get you a top of the line mobile suit these days! So after arriving on earth I killed some other mobile suits all to the beat of this really cool song I was listening to on the radio! It was awesome! I can't wait until the next battle!

The Very Secret Diary of Quatre Raberba Winner 

**Day one: **Well I just finished wallpapering the cockpit of my new Gundam, Sir Sandrock. (Rasid does not approve of me calling it "Sir" but I feel I must. It is proper.) All I need now is some fresh flowers in here so that things don't feel so awfully dreadful! Well, earlier today I met up with my old friends the Maqunauts and after some afternoon tea (That tea they gave me, it's beginning to go to my head. I fear that they may have given me something else seeing as they were all drinking beer…come to think of it, it did taste a bit funny…ah well, enough rambling.) As I was saying, after the "tea" (I shall have to ask Rasid about that.) I was sent on a mission and I'm sorry to say but I had to kill someone. A few people actually. It is very sad. But on the upside the earth is very beautiful, as well as myself. So far I am the prettiest of all the Maqunauts…but that one with the glasses seems to be quite the competition…I'll have to see what I can do about that… Now I must invest in a bath before someone else has the same idea…though I doubt that these men have taken baths in weeks…

  Authors note: well that's all there is for this chapter! I mean have to keep you guys coming back for more! The first days of Wufei, Relena, and Zechs will be in the next chapter and other characters may pop up as they appear. Don't forget to review or Heero might just think that you're trying to cash in on his dental and he might just happen to have his shiny new gun in his back pocket…and well let's just say that I'm not responsible for what might happen because you didn't review!


	2. day one for Wufei, Zechs, and Relena

The Very Secret Diaries of Gundam Wing

The Very Secret Diary of Chang Wufei 

**Day one: **I'm sorry mother but you're going to have to share this notebook. I'm sorry that your spirit decided to live on in this notebook but I need it so you have no choice! No, father's spirit is not living in the pen…I don't know if it's your old boyfriend or not, leave me alone!

My first mission was to destroy the Lake Victoria base…I'm still trying to figure out where it is…I'll get back to you when I do. No mother, the Lake Victoria base is not on Lake Victoria, why would they put it there?

I found the Lake Victoria base. Okay fine I admit it, you were right mother, it was on Lake Victoria…oh yeah well you're just jealous that Meiran's spirit got to live on in my Gundam and yours didn't! I'm not talking to you anymore!

I have destroyed Lake Victoria but unfortunately Special Lt. Noin escaped. It's only because her stupid boyfriend came to save her! One day I'll show her who's a real man! No mother it is not my bed time…I get to pick my own bed time now…fine I'll go to bed but on one condition, you shut up and leave me alone…yes ma'am…I'm sorry…yes…I meant yes ma'am…yes mom I know that if Dr. H hadn't broken me out of that mental hospital I would not have had the chance to save the world…yes ma'am…I don't have an attitude…I didn't say anything under my breath…yes I'm going to bed…I meant yes ma'am I'm going to bed…goodnight.

The Very Secret Diary of Zechs Marquise 

**Day one: **I'm so pretty! Oh so pretty! I have the coolest helmet in the world! No one else has a helmet like mine! I feel so special! Today I fought with a Gundam and it was a lot of fun, well except the part when I had to eject out of my mobile suit and I landed in the ocean and I had to wait there for 3 hours until a boat came and picked me up. And it wasn't even an OZ boat; it was a smelly old fishing boat. The OZ boat came by but they couldn't hear my screams…or so they said. I think they were lying because something similar happened last week when one of the other guys told me to pilot this mobile suit but I had been told that it wasn't done yet and it didn't look done yet but the other pilot told me to get in it so I did and it blew up and I was trapped under it for 6 hours until they found me. And yesterday I found some black roses outside my door. I think someone is trying to kill me!

Well after I was pulled from the water they told me that I had a mission at Lake Victoria, they said that it was getting blown up and I was very concerned because that is where my girl friend is…you know, a girl that is my friend…a friend that happens to be a girl…we're not going out…I think… (But the last time I asked her out she said yes but then she didn't show and when I asked her about it she laughed and called me a name I'm not going to repeat.) So anyway, I went there and saved her but she got mad at me and said that she didn't need saving and for some reason there was already another guy in the cockpit with her so I guess he was already saving her. So to make me feel better I called up Treize and made him take my call (he was taking a bath…he's always taking baths…) and asked if I could have the Tallgeese and guess what he said? He said yes!! I'm so excited because the Tallgeese is cool! It is very shiny! Almost as shiny as my helmet and I like shiny things! In fact it's so cool and shiny that I'm sleeping in it…well that and I'm sleeping in it because someone set fire to my apartment, though I can't imagine why! Well it's time for nighty night and it's going to take me a while to fall asleep because Mr. Snuggles was burned in the fire and this will be my first night away from him. I'm so sad…

The Very Secret Diary of Relena Darlin 

**Day one: **I was coming home on a space shuttle today when out my window I saw the prettiest thing! It was some sort of shuttle but it was very shiny! I like shiny things! So after we got to earth this lady came and got my dad and he had to leave. He said he would call a car for me but I wanted to find my own ride home because I am a big girl. So I was walking along the beach throwing the beached jellyfishes back into the ocean when I saw a body! I ran over to the body and it was a boy and he was very cute! I asked him who he was and he said he wanted to kill me. When he said that I just melted! How could he have known that I've always wanted some hot guy to say that to me! So just as he was about to shoot me another boy (in desperate need to a hair cut if you ask me) yelled at the boy who was trying to kill me to put his gun down. The boy didn't so the mean other boy shot him in the arm! I was very mad! Apparently the other boy thought he was saving me. So then he brings these 2 large mobile suits out of the water and I was very surprised because I am a pacifist and I don't like big mobile suits. So then the boy I liked jumped into one of them (after he was shot 3 times, poor boy) and they started fighting. I was almost stepped on a few times and that was very scary! (But the good news is that all the waves they created cleaned my dress (I was air sick on the way home and there was no baggy in my seat) and the waves made all the other jellyfish go back into the ocean and I didn't have to throw them any more.) But the fight ended soon because I think that the boy with the long hair had to go to the bathroom because his mobile suit kept holding itself. After that both suits flew off and I was late for school so I stole a car and got to school just on time. But when I got to school the coolest thing happened. The boy from the beach was there and he has such a nice name, it's Heero Yuy! Relena Yuy makes a nice sounding name, don't you think? I invited him to my birthday party and he said he was going to kill me again! I'm so excited! I think that means he's going to come! Well I must go to bed so that I can dream about my Heero…and the jellyfish.

Authors note: well in the next chapter I can't figure out if I wanna do the first days of Noin, Treize, and Lady Une or if I should just keep going and do the second days of the characters I have already? Tell me what you guys want in a review! I'm flexible! Hope you like this so far! Review or Relena will get on another shuttle and get sick and there wont be a baggy in her seat pocket and you'll just happen to be the person sitting next to her! Again I'd like to say that I'm not responsible for what happens if you don't review! 


	3. could it be...day two!!

The Very Secret Diaries of Gundam Wing  
Day two: part 1  
  
  
The very secret Diary of Heero Yuy  
Day two: Nothing much happened today. It was basically an average school day. The weirdo girl kept following me around though; she's getting really annoying! I found out that we're going to have a party at the school tomorrow night! I was really looking forward to going (I was gonna ask this hot girl in my science class but Relena (weirdo girl) told me that she's gay...she could have been lying because so far all the girls I've wanted to ask out have been gay...or so Relena says) but Dr. J said that while everyone else is at the party I have to leave the school so that I can go on a mission. I hate these stupid missions; they keep getting in the way of my social life! Dr. J said that I could stop by later if I wanted to talk things over but I think it was just a ploy to get me there so he can see me in my black spandex...stupid spandex. These school uniforms are pretty nice but they are a little tight in the bum area...or maybe that's just Relena trying to pinch me...now I'm gonna be sick!  
  
Oh yeah, on a side note, I was able to get my teeth cleaned twice today! Go me!!  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Duo Maxwell  
Day two: I followed that dude that I shot yesterday on the beach to his school and it turns out that he's going to school with that babe but she keeps pinching his butt...I hope she's just punishing him for fighting me. Oh yeah, by the way, I found out that that guy's name is Heero. Oooooo! There's a party tomorrow night but you have to be part of the school to go, I'm so bummed! Maybe I'll try and sneak in...yeah, hehe, I'll try and sneak in! Oh I also found out that Heero likes to keep his teeth cleaned...perhaps I could pretend to be dentist and get rid of him nice and easy like...then maybe the hot babe will really go for me! (I have better teeth anyway)  
  
Oh you'll never guess who IMed me today! Professor G, A.K.A. Dr. Mushroom head! He told me that there's gonna be a mission in a few days and that it's really important. He said I should stop drinking banana shakes and concentrate otherwise I could get killed. *sniff* But I like my banana shakes.   
  
The Very Secret Diary of Trowa Barton  
Day two: Maybe I should turn my music down because today I accidentally joined the circus...not my idea of fun! They put me in charge of the lions...one of them tried to eat me so I killed it and now it hangs in my trailer. Then I found a very large alley cat and it looked sorta like a lion so I put that in the lion's cage and no one noticed! Then the strangest thing happened, you see, last week I went to a psychic lady and she told me that I had a long lost sister and then she told me what she looked like so I went to Opera and asked for Opera's help to find my long lost sister and she said he would look but I don't see how she can look everywhere because she's just one person, hm...I'll have to ask her about that...anyway, so I found her! She was here at the circus! Opera will be so happy! In fact, I'm gonna write her a letter right now!  
  
The Very Secret Diary of Quatre Raberba Winner  
Day two: I am very distraught, as I was partaking in my morning bath 5 Maqunauts came barging through my tent and upturned my scented bath oils (they are tea scented, I love tea!) Then later as I was making sure my hair was perfect some more Maqunauts came barging through and I'm afraid that they got sand in my hair. I was then obliged to take another bath. Thankfully I was not interrupted that time. I spent the rest of the day researching the mission. I found out that there are 4 other pilots besides myself; I sure hope they aren't prettier than me...for if they are I shall be forced to take drastic measures!   
  
It turns out that the Maqunaut with the glasses is not prettier than me. It was dark when I saw him last night and I didn't have my contacts in (the sand irritates them). I shall retire to my hammock now...I sure hope those Maqunauts don't try any more practically jokes tonight, last night they switched all my shirts with pink ones and now they seem to have forgotten where they put my other shirts. I shall be forced to wear the pink shirts until I can find a tailor.  
  
  
Authors note: Well that was, interesting...I actually sat down and wrote that whole chapter in one sitting...well okay so I got up once to see the mess my little brothers had made in the kitchen but other than that, I sat here the whole time! Granted that it wasn't a very long chapter but I hope it was funny! I'd be happy to take suggestions if anyone has any! Just stick them in a review!  
  
Reviewer Response:  
  
Belldandy: um...well I guess that's the point. Things that would never happen, happen because these are the *secret* diaries!  
  
Dream Keeper: uh...yeah!  
  
Trowakun: lol, well you're the only one who wanted the other diaries so I'm not going to do them now but maybe a page or two of theirs will pop up randomly! Thanks for the review!  
  
Hmm...: well the good news is, you don't have to stop laughing because here's more!  
  
Flaming Venom: Was that a flame?? At least you were signed in when you wrote it! I'll give you that! Well let me think, seeing that I'm only 16 I'm pretty sure that I wasn't drunk when I wrote these! Were you drunk when you wrote the review? I guess not seeing that most drunks have a sense humor! Or perhaps you're just a mean drunk! Do us all a favor, don't read humor fics if you can't find them humorous! 


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